Reflecting Back…
Matrescence Tales
Matrescence Tales
Written by JC
When was your baby born?July 2001, May 2004
Where was your baby born?Lions Gate Hospital, North Vancouver, and Royal Columbian Hospital, New Westminster
Can you share your birth story?My first birth was so smooth and quick that the first thing I remember blurting out when he was born was, "I could TOTALLY do that again!". My second birth was a little more challenging.
My first baby was 10 days overdue. I went in for a checkup on the Friday of a long weekend in July and the stretching or swiping of my cervix sent me into labour a few hours later. My husband was at work and my mom was staying with me for the birth. She called the Doc who suggested I have a bath as this was likely going to be a long labour being my first. Well, she was wrong. While in the bath, I felt the sudden urge to push. I managed to get into the car and we immediately made our way to Lions Gate where the nurses casually brought me up to a room to check my dilation. The pain was getting intense and the contractions were really close together. All I could think was, "If this is the beginning of a long labour, I can't do this. Give me the drugs". Being a girl who was all about natural products, non-toxic living, somewhat "crunchy", I was sure I wasn't going to get an epidural or anything of the sort. But, I ended up begging for anything they would give me. They needed to check me before administering any drugs and, to my surprise, I was 9 1/2 cm dilated. Too late for drugs. Knowing this info, I knew the baby was coming fast and the idea of drugs went out the window in that moment. I suddenly felt empowered and, sure enough, a few pushes and the baby was out.
My second baby, a girl, came 2 weeks early. In fact, my son announced to us that morning that the baby was coming today. Somehow he sensed it and he was right. It was a scarier experience that my first because I started hemmoraging while in bed that morning. I had planned for a home birth with my second so we called the Midwife, who had me come in to check me out. She couldn't determine if I was bleeding or if the baby was bleeding so we rushed to the hospital where they strapped on the monitors. We had a heartbeat so knew she was still with us. For whatever reason, I went into labour pretty quickly. I pushed for what felt like hours, without any drugs (because I thought I could do anything after my first birth!) but was getting really tired and wasn't sure I had much left in me. Until the beeps starting going on the machines... my baby's heartbeat was slowing down and near stopping. The doctors called for the emergency pediatric team who rushed into my hospital room on standby. My husband leaned over me and locked eyes with me saying very sternly, "You've gotta get this baby out NOW". I gave a final push with all my might and she was born. The room was silent for what felt like 10 minutes because she didn't make a sound. The team who was standing in the corner waiting moved faster than anything I've ever seen, taking her from me and setting her on the table where they revived her. She let out a scream and the rest of us let out a big exhale.
What do you wish you had known going into the birth? What are you proud of?Don't have expectations! I expected I would feel a certain way or "not need drugs" so, when the situation changed, I felt disappointed in myself. After all was said and done and I had a baby in my arms, all my fears melted away. I was, and still am, so proud of both of my birthing experiences.
What did the first few days/weeks look like? Emotionally/mentally/physically. Any tips you could share?
My first baby slept with me for around a year. I loved having him in bed with me but it affected my sleep. He "snacked" every 1 1/2 hours all night long. I would roll over and snuggle him into me so he could nurse and fall back to sleep. Somehow I knew these moments wouldn't last long so I savoured them. I do recall being exhausted during the day and did feel somewhat alone because I was the first in my friend group to have a baby and all my family was back east. My girlfriends were all still going out to party and I was home with a newborn. When baby #2 came along 3 years later, things had changed within my friend group and there were new moms to relate to. Being shy, I wasn't comfortable joining mom groups but realize now that that would have been the best thing I could have done for myself as a new mom.
How have you found the transition to motherhood? What has been the hardest part?My babies are in their early 20's now! But I will always be their mom. It's just different stages of motherhood that we go through. The baby stage, the toddler stage, then you're volunteering at school, carpooling, sports, activities, helping with homework, supporting them through boyfriend trouble, then they start driving and you lose sleep all over again ;)
What is one thing you wish you had known going into postpartum? Any other tips/advice for our moms?
The cliche is true: you blink and your kids are grown up so reallllly soak it all in. You need to eat more than you did when you were pregnant... and drink water! As a Holistic Nutritionist today, I realize I wasn't nourishing myself enough postpartum. Take care of yourself first so you can be a better mom to your babe. Also, community is everything. Ask for help and accept it.
How do you feel like your identity has shifted? What strategies have helped re-connect with yourself?I remember saying to a friend who was expecting her first baby, "Once you meet this little one, you'll never fully remember what life was like before babies." Every day that goes by is another day that my kids need me in some capacity and that is who I am, their mother. I had my kids at 27 and 30 so I've grown up along with them. I don't remember what my life was like without them and I don't think that would change if I was any older or younger when I became a mom.
What are you proud of so far in your motherhood journey?Watching my kids today who are starting their adult life. Everything I see them do or hear them say reflects my parenting.
❤️
