Brie & Blackberries: The Homebirth Re-do
Matrescence Tales
Matrescence Tales
Written by MI
Family photos at 9 months was the perfect age- so smiley and happy for all! Photo by Angela K Photography.
When was your baby born?November 2022
Where was your baby born?I had a homebirth.
Can you share your birth story?Yes - I'd love to share my birth story! I got pregnant 12 months postpartum with my first son, so we were embarking on the dreaded "2 under 2" journey - and I feel like I was the most nervous about how my 21 months old would take it all, having a little baby, not being the centre of attention etc. I was also worried about how I would take it all - I had a very isolated postpartum the first time around, it was Covid and my family lives in Europe, and on top of that we were the first ones in our friends group to have a baby. So, with the second baby arriving it was a little bit nerve wrecking to say the least. My first birth was at BC Women's, and I remembered a feeling of not being able to trust my gut and intuition during the whole process because of the staff around me and the medical approach to it all, plus I felt super disconnected to all the attending staff since I had never met them before and was trusting them blindly through this life changing event. So for the second time around, I chose a midwife group that I would be able to get to know during the prenatal care so that there wasn't strangers attending my birth. I also wanted it all to feel more sacred and natural, so we opted for a homebirth with a doula and two midwives attending. My labour started 3 days after my due date - I was having a few sensations in my stomach before I went to bed, so I decided to have a quick shower "just in case" people would be seeing me butt naked shortly. During the shower, I started getting stronger contractions and we ended up texting my doula to come since she had moved to Tsawwassen and we were worried she wouldn't get through the tunnel on time. My husband started setting up the birth pool in our living room (we had a 2 bed condo at the time) and asked his parents to come pick up our toddler who was fast asleep. Little did he know that we would run out of warm/hot water for the birth pool from our shower (oopsies, probably because I showered that night too I just realized!) and when our doula showed up, she made him boil pots of water on the stove to add to the pool to get it up to temperature. Haha! He was busy! I laboured on the yoga ball with a salt lamp on, just in my underwear - and it was about 2am now. When my midwives arrived and completed the birth team, they were setting up their things in the dining area while i moved to the toilet to labour some more. I was in complete la la labour land at that point. They told me the pool would be ready now but wow those 15m from the bedroom to the living room seemed WAY too far. Even when they suggested they'd check me, I felt like all of this is impossible. I felt stuck on the toilet seat in transition. My midwife Sarah and my doula talked to me - and asked me how I am feeling. And that's when I said out loud "I am just SO afraid of having two kids - how am I meant to do that?" I know, a little too late at this point to turn back around... they both were so understanding, reassuring and told me that it will all work out, and the fact that I am worrying about that right now just means I will be a great mom. My body just needed to hear that - and we barely made it onto my bed before my doula announced that she can see the head. At 4.19am, Charlie was born. In our bed, in our cozy bedroom at home, surrounded by only the most gentle birth team, my husband and I. Everyone tucked me into bed, I nursed Charlie for the first time, and the post-labour charcuterie platter I had made for myself was put on my nightstand. Brie cheese and blackberries have NEVER tasted this good. My birth team stayed for another couple of hours, checking out the baby, giving me some stitches, and then left so that we can all cuddle up in our bed together. Charlie and I slept for 5 hours straight - and I just thought it was the most amazing thing to bring him into this world and be able to just snuggle him and sleep a little bit to rest up.
What do you wish you had known going into the birth? What are you proud of?
With my first birth, I wish I had known that I can trust my body to "do its thing". I really leaned into that with my second birth at home. There's something about having it done once before that makes you feel calmer and more comfortable with it all. I'm proud of my choices of giving birth at home and seeking out the right birth team for myself so that I can give myself the experience I was missing with my first birth (and am still processing somewhat!)
What did the first few days/weeks look like? Emotionally/mentally/physically. Any tips you could share?With both my babies, I had a mentally and emotionally hard time the first few days - I think it's just the hormones going crazy. Day 5 was the worst for me every time, it's almost like your brain was able to process what happened to your body and that you're now responsible for a tiny human and it's like WOAH what did I sign up for?! My tip is to be gentle with yourself. To give yourself time to heal mentally and emotionally as much as physically. Find joy in the little things every day - I sometimes felt so lost that I wrote myself a little list of things I enjoy doing just in case I would forget haha.
How have you found the transition to motherhood? What has been the hardest part?
For me, the hardest part has been grieving that I don't have a village surrounding me like it is meant to be. Both sets of grandparents don't live in Vancouver full-time/at all, and accepting that my village may look different (plus I had to find my own support systems somehow) has been hard on me. I'm still struggling with letting go of that ideal of the super involved family, and also coming to terms that I would have had that if I hadn't moved away from my own mom to be with my now-husband.
What is one thing you wish you had known going into postpartum? Any other tips/advice for our moms?Postpartum is beautiful - if you allow yourself to slow down, take it all in, the good and the bad, and have a support system around you. It also goes by so so fast, you'll blink and you don't have a newborn anymore, then you blink and your baby is babbling, crawling, walking, and then you're a toddler mom. It's almost like you can't keep up with time - and everything is always changing. So if a season feels especially hard, just know that the hard also won't last.
How do you feel like your identity has shifted? What strategies have helped re-connect with yourself?
I've noticed that my priorities have shifted - I'd rather do something that I know will fill my cup than say yes to some gathering I wouldn't feel comfortable or joyful at. I do struggle with clawing time back for myself, and I've just recently tried to incorporate a bit of exercise into my routine, and doing things with my hands (painting, gardening, baking) that I can also do together with my kids. Kind of showing them there's more to me than just being their mom.
What are you proud of so far in your motherhood journey?It took me a while to accept that I haven't had a lot of support (or village) around me from the get go, and I'm proud for showing up every day no matter what, and finding my own support system. I'm also proud of who I am becoming as a person - someone who cares deeply and is no longer afraid to show it, someone who will reach out a hand even though hers are already full, and someone who will try and see the good in everything.
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