Raising the bar: Gaining Confidence through Collective Wisdom
Matrescence Tales
Matrescence Tales
Written by SA
When was your baby born?January 2021
Where was your baby born?B.C. Women’s, Vancouver
Can you share your birth story?I had a scheduled section due to a mild complication. Waking up the morning of the section felt like I was headed to the airport, we knew what time we had to arrive with a packed bag. For some reason, the idea of a major abdominal surgery didn't scare me. I think this was because, 1) I knew it would allow for my baby to be born safely, and 2) my mom had me via c-section so she was a source of great help and reassurance all would be ok once I knew it was happening. The protocol was to get me prepped and administer the anaesthetic and then have my husband join me (I was lucky he was able to since it was during the Covid era). Before I knew it, I was prepped and laying down with my arms out by my side and a sheet in front of me. I was shaking, like my teeth were chattering, but the doctor told me it may happen (for context it didn't happen during my 2nd baby's section). When my husband entered the room, he had a look of worry - they had rushed him in earlier because baby's heart beat was decelerating. It felt worrisome. Things moved swiftly however, and it turned out it was due to the umbilical cord having been wrapped around baby's leg (not sure how long this was the case but I am thankful all was well). Before I knew it, baby was out and held up above me to see - I was speechless! I said, "Oh my gosh, hi buddy!", because no one prepares you for the moment you meet your baby and what to say… LOL! They then let me have skin to skin with baby before taking him away to do their checks. The stitching of the incision and clean up of my self and baby all went fast. I was back in the recovery room holding baby within 20-30 min!
What do you wish you had known going into the birth? What are you proud of?The honeymoon feeling right after, and just how much you will feel a shift in hormones thereafter. I am proud that I was able to make it through those hormonal shifts by trying to stay in a positive mindset, realizing the stage can't last forever, and channeling any sadness into enjoying little moments with my new baby.
What did the first few days/weeks look like? Emotionally/mentally/physically. Any tips you could share?The first day or two were pure euphoria/bliss. So much love and adoration for your new child and your support network. However, in the days/months after, the hormones begin to really take over. I wish someone had given me a realistic heads up about that. It was hard to feel the feels, and there was no sure fire way to control those feelings - sadness, loneliness, resentment, and worry. The nice part was that the baby always found a way to help breakthrough those uncontrollable feelings with a lot of light, hope, and love.
How have you found the transition to motherhood? What has been the hardest part?
It is a perma-learning curve. A lot of trial and error, and banking on the wisdom of other mothers around you who have gone through the stages you're currently in. The hardest part for me was feelings of inadequacy - not feeling like enough, or equipped to take care of my baby the right way. In hindsight, I think that was the hormones making me feel that way, but it was hard to get out of that state of mind. Nowadays I feel like a confident mother, mainly because I have so many other great moms' advice to rely upon. Mom-guilt is a real thing all the time though, and worrying will always be there - but I like to think about those hard parts as a positive thing - you are a great mom if you're worried about their wellbeing, and feeling like you wish you could be doing more, or spending more time with them.
What is one thing you wish you had known going into postpartum? Any other tips/advice for our moms?I wish I knew more of the reality/what to expect regarding what those postpartum hormones will truly make you feel like - inadequate, ugly, sad, angry, generally not all all like yourself. It was a hard thing to hit me, that no one really clued me into. A tip I would give based on this specific issue is that it's important to stay in a mindset of "this isn't you, it's just the hormones" and "you will return back to that version of you, but better, eventually - these feelings won't last forever"
How do you feel like your identity has shifted? What strategies have helped re-connect with yourself?
I love that my identity has shifted a bit and I consider being a mom the most important aspect of my life. That being said, I like that idea of striving for more now and having a sense of purpose, or a why linked to that longing for greater achievement. I try my best at my job and aspire to raise my own personal bar at work. I also feel that being a mom has bettered me from a wellbeing perspective. I never really cared to take care of myself before - but now I prioritize that in order to be a more present/energetic mother. That, in turn, has allowed me to connect to my mind/body more than ever before - so I'm happy that motherhood has pushed me toward that. It's been symbiotic - the identity shift to being a mother and connecting/re-connecting to my mind and body. I also feel as though my identity has shifted into being a "boy-mom" since I have two boys. It's a lot of playing with trucks and sports equipment, and it elates me to do those things to connect with my boys, but it also makes me sad that I have no one to be girly with! I definitely take the time to still dress up when we have events, or connect with my girl friends to still embrace the girly side of me.
What are you proud of so far in your motherhood journey?I am very proud of how I have allowed motherhood to change me for the better - wanting to do more for myself and those around me. I am also so proud of all the other moms I'm so lucky to know and lean on.
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