Stuck in roommate mode? 8 steps you can take today to re-connect with your partner
When you become parents, and you’re caught in a relentless cycle of sleep deprivation, growing resentment, and a never-ending to-do list, it’s veeeeeery easy (and extremely common!) for your relationship to slide into the backseat. All of a sudden you’re living in survival mode and your priorities shift—and that’s totally okay. Especially when you’re in the thick of it: the newborn phase, juggling multiple young kids, navigating PMADs, or parenting children with additional needs. It’s no joke. You can end up like two ships passing in the night… basically roommates who share a calendar.
Yes, giving yourself grace and remembering this phase is temporary helps a lot. But staying connected with your partner—in any form—is essential. Not just for your relationship, but for your own well-being. That connection might look different now than it did before (anyone else feeling “touched out”?), and that’s okay too. What’s not okay? Feeling like you’re in it alone. Even when you’re overwhelmed and end up snapping at each other (guilty!), at the end of the day, trusting you are a team and believing this too shall pass, will help get you through.
So how do you (both!) muster up the energy to show up for each other at the end of a long day? We’ve got some ideas. Check out our tips below.
8 steps you can take today to re-Connect with your partner
Here are eight simple (but effective) ways to reconnect with your partner today, even in the thick of postpartum and parenthood.
The six second kiss
You’ve heard of the six-second hug, but let’s take it up a notch. A six-second kiss forces you to slow down and be intentional with affection. It’s long enough to feel meaningful but short enough to squeeze into even the busiest day. Honestly, try it.
Try: Making it a ritual—before leaving for the day, when you reunite, or just because.
2. Implementing Micro-dates
Date nights can be hard to plan, but that doesn’t mean you can’t prioritize connection. Micro-dates are short, simple, and easy to fit into your daily life.
Try: A coffee together in the morning, or a quick game or cup of tea together after the kids are down, while sharing about your day.
3. Get Out for an Evening Walk
When things get too much, it’s amazing what fresh air and movement can do to shift the energy. An after dinner walk is a perfect way to connect while the kids get the last of the wiggles out before bedtime, or you try to make the most of the witching hour.
4. Ditch the Phones & Make Eye Contact
It’s easy to zone out on your phone after a long day, but intentional connection starts with presence. Looking up, making eye contact, and truly turning toward your partner when they speak can create a huge shift in intimacy. It really is amazing how easy it is to get sucked into these bad habits.
Try: Setting a “no phone” rule during key moments—meals, out of the bedroom, or even just 10 minutes of uninterrupted conversation.
5. Have an Optimistic Mindset
Parenting is hard. Marriage is hard. But how you frame it matters. Instead of dwelling on how tough things are, acknowledge the season you're in and give each other grace. Dr. Becky has some great tips for shifting your mindset in any sort of relationships: “two things can be true”, and using “the most generous interpretation”. If you haven’t read her book, it’s a helpful read, and many of her philosophies apply to all sorts of relationship-types.
Try: When things feel overwhelming, remind yourself (and your partner), "This is a phase, and we’re in it together."
6. Show Appreciation & Say Thank You
It’s easy to take each other for granted when you’re caught up in daily responsibilities. We jump to what the other person doesn’t do, but what about what they do? Verbalizing gratitude reminds your partner they are seen and valued.
Try: A simple “Thank you for handling bedtime” or “I appreciate you making dinner” goes a long way.
7. Implement Fun
If you have access to and the freedom to leave your baby with a babysitter, this is your reminder to pencil in regular date nights away from the kids. Do something different… either a brand new activity together (check out this post), or an activity you used to enjoy pre-kids. And if its too tricky to figure out sans-kids, or you’re still deep in the trenches, bring them along for an adventure with you. Instead of the usual weekend park tour, take them to a new coffee shop, check out a new hiking trail, try a new hobby together, or explore a new part of B.C. for the weekend. Catch a moment to grab a coffee and a cheers with your love along the way.
8. Habitual Acts of Service
A small act of service can go a long way. Make their coffee for them so it’s ready for when they wake up in the morning, give them a 2 minute shoulder massage while you’re watching your favourite show together, or fill a hot water bottle (old school!) and put it in their bed so it’s all warm and cosy for them. Then do it every day. Make it a habit that makes them feel cared for every single day… something small but frequent, that one day, they’ll be telling their grandkids about.
Of course, this is all easier said than done. But really, keeping the connection alive doesn’t require massive effort, just small, intentional actions. Pick one action above, and try it. Parenthood is demanding, but your relationship deserves love and attention too. Start small, laugh often, and remind each other that you’re in this together—messy floors, sleep deprivation, and all.
Your partnership is the foundation of your family. Take care of it. ❤️
