There's a lot to love about the holiday season. The anticipation, twinkly lights, family traditions, festive outings and making memories with the people you love. But there's also the gift buying, meal planning, school concerts, family logistics, wrapping, hosting, remembering who's allergic to what, and somehow keeping track of what the damn Elf on the Shelf has done in previous years (seriously, how do they remember more than I do?!). It can get overwhelming reeeeeeal fast.
And while everyone gets to enjoy the magic, chances are someone is doing a whole lot of work behind the scenes to make it happen.
For many parents and families, that someone is you.
The holiday mental load isn't just about doing all the things. It's about being the person who remembers, plans, anticipates and coordinates all the things. And when you're already juggling the everyday demands of family life, adding the holidays to the mix can feel like taking on a second full-time job.
So, rather than adding another task to your already overflowing to-do list, here are seven practical ways to lighten the load.
1. Have a 20-minute holiday planning meeting
Get everyone involved in the holiday planning together and get everything out of your heads and onto paper.
Make a master list covering:
Gifts and holiday shopping
Food, groceries and meal prep
Family visits and social commitments
School, daycare and kids' activities
Hosting, cleaning and decorating
Travel and family logistics
If you share parenting or household responsibilities with someone else, divide up the tasks. If you're parenting solo, consider which responsibilities could be shared with extended family, friends or other members of your support network.
2. Create one shared holiday command centre
Stop being the walking, talking family calendar.
Create a shared Google Keep note, spreadsheet or calendar where everyone involved can see what's happening and what's still to be done.
Include a gift list, upcoming events, grocery lists and a running to-do list with who's responsible for what (including getting the in-laws gifts off your plate!)
And yes, this may still require you to organize and delegate, but… baby steps. The goal is simple: if it's in your head, get it out. Including the conception, planning AND execution.
3. Put a cap on your commitments
Before accepting another invitation, check your calendar and think about how much your family can realistically manage.
Aim for at least one unplanned afternoon or morning each weekend. No errands, no hosting, no pressure to create a magical memory. Open your calendar and block out some empty space. Literally put "NOTHING" in it.
If you have older kids, try to get out in the morning to burn their energy, before a slower afternoon. Remember that downtime doesn't need to look like a picture-perfect family activity. Sometimes it's pyjamas, a movie and leftovers.
You can also give yourself permission to decline invitations, leave early or alternate which family gatherings you attend each year.
Try: "That sounds lovely, but we're keeping things quiet this year." No elaborate explanation required.
4. Simplify the gift-giving circus
This is honestly one of the tasks that take the most time and mental energy, but COULD be an easy one to pare down. Scrap it completely, or set a realistic gift budget and look for ways to reduce the workload.
Suggest a Secret Santa for extended family instead of buying for everyone.
Propose booking a family trip during the year, instead of all the money spent on “things” (I love the idea of each adult creating a “presentation” as a fun family activity, where everyone has to vote on the winning “location”).
Agree on a reasonable spending limit… before things get out of control.
Keep a shared list of gift ideas throughout the year (so that you have a go-to answer when someone asks “what should I get?”). Giftster is great for this!
Buy teacher and childcare educator gifts in batches. Make it easy…. honestly, as a former teacher, giftcards work great.
Use gift bags instead of wrapping everything. Dollar store, baby!
Consider experiences, second-hand gifts or a family gift exchange.
5. Delegate the invisible jobs, not just the obvious ones
If you have a partner, co-parent, family member or friend who can share the load, try handing over entire areas of responsibility rather than individual tasks.
For example, someone takes ownership of organising the family gathering, including the invitations, food and logistics. Someone else handles the kids' holiday activities or gift shopping.
If you're carrying most of the responsibility yourself, think about where you can invite others in. Ask guests to bring a dish, share childcare with another parent (so you can check off something on your to-do list!), or arrange a gift exchange with friends.
You don't have to do everything yourself just because you always have.
6. Make a festive shortcut list
Don’t get me wrong, we love cooking the big, fancy meal, but after spending whole days in the kitchen, last year we decided to try outsourcing our Christmas meal from a caterer. Sounds extravagant (& expensive!), but honestly, it was a game-changer. Really, by the time you add up all your groceries, there’s not THAT much of a difference in cost. It meant we got to spend Christmas day actually hanging out as a family, playing with new toys, and watching movies. One of us ran out to pick up the food, quickly warmed it in the oven, and you have the bonus of minimal clean up afterwards! Then we did the big full spread (including Yorkshire Puds!) on Boxing Day. The best of both worlds.
Identify three things you can outsource, simplify or skip this year.
Some ideas:
Order groceries instead of navigating the supermarket with kids.
Buy pre-made food for entertaining.
Use a meal kit, order takeout, or do dinner charcuterie-style on Christmas Eve.
Skip the handmade gifts.
Reuse or re-gift where you can
Potluck style: Ask guests to bring a dish instead of hosting everything yourself.
You don't get extra holiday points for making everything from scratch.
7. Do something you want to do
In the middle of organising everyone else's holiday fun, it's easy to forget that you're allowed to have some fun too. Not everything needs to be kid-friendly, family-focused or another opportunity to make memories for someone else.
Book that dinner with friends, go to the craft market you've been wanting to visit, see a show, head to that MotherFlock night out, or take yourself out for a solo browse around the shops.
And here's the important bit: don't make it another thing you have to organise for everyone else. Pick something you genuinely want to do, put it in the calendar and make it happen. Whether that’s a through a childcare swap, or leaning in to your support network.
You're part of the holiday magic too. Don't forget about yourself.
A little less doing, a little more being
The goal isn't a perfectly magical holiday season. Because there’s bound to be a little chaos thrown into the mix. The goal is to create one where everyone gets to enjoy the experience, not just the kids.
This year, share the load where you can, lower a few expectations and let some things slide. Because we don’t need to leave December depleted, and needing a holiday come January.
Because the magic of the holidays shouldn't depend on one person quietly exhausting themselves behind the scenes. You deserve to be present, and enjoy the magic too.
