Matrescence Tales
Matrescence Tales
Written by MF
When was your baby born?March 2025
Where was your baby born?BC Women's Hospital
Can you share your birth story?My birth story was intense, to say the least! Sophia made her grand (and speedy) entrance 10 days early, in the middle of a total lunar eclipse.
I had just started my mat leave and was feeling great. I went about my day as usual, even running 7 km that afternoon, before my water broke that evening. I wasn’t sure it was actually my water breaking because it was nothing like the movies! With no contractions, I planned to meet my midwife at the hospital the following evening.
The next day, I went for a massage, enjoyed a lunch date with my husband and even prepared two meals at home. Contractions started around midday but they felt like period cramps.
By the time we arrived at the hospital at 7:30 p.m., things quickly intensified. I wanted as natural a birth as possible, so I declined oxytocin. After 3 hours in an emergency room cubicle with increasingly intense contractions, my husband insisted they check my dilation before moving me to the delivery room and I was almost fully dilated!
Everything happened so fast, and as soon as I got into the delivery room, it was time to push. The pain was overwhelming, and I was completely dazed by how quickly labour progressed. Pushing brought some relief, and before we knew it, Sophia was here.
Four hours after arriving at the hospital, I was holding my baby. No epidural, no C-section, just an incredibly intense birth that I’ll never forget.
What do you wish you had known going into the birth? What are you proud of?I prepared a lot for birth, which may have helped me stay calm and focused through such a fast labour. I visualized jumping into waves with each contraction, stayed in my own little bubble, and repeated affirmations like “I am confident, I am strong, I am powerful.”
What I didn’t expect was how little support I would have from the hospital staff, who were incredibly busy that night. Being in active labour in an emergency room without any of my prepared tools wasn’t ideal, especially when I didn’t realize just how far along I already was, all our hospital bags were still in the car! Every birth is so unique and you can never fully prepare for it. Accepting that you can’t control every aspect of it can make the experience a little easier to navigate.
I’m incredibly proud of my body for getting through such an intense experience and delivering a healthy baby. I’m also so grateful for my husband, who was my rock throughout labour and my biggest advocate.
Looking back, I may have spent a little too much time preparing for birth itself and not enough preparing for postpartum recovery. I wish I’d focused more on meal prepping and arranged more hours with my postpartum doula. Birth is only the beginning!
What did the first few days/weeks look like? Emotionally/mentally/physically. Any tips you could share?I’m not going to sugarcoat it: it was rough. My pregnancy went incredibly well, and I was exercising right up until the day I gave birth, so going from 100 to 0 overnight was a real shock. Even going for a walk felt hard, and the first three weeks were by far the toughest. Things started to get a little easier once I could move around more and do activities like swimming.
Breastfeeding was also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Running a marathon feels like a piece of cake in comparison! I wish I’d known just how demanding it would be, both physically and emotionally. Sophia was attached to me like glue, and even taking a shower could feel impossible when I could hear her crying in her dad’s arms because all she wanted was me.
Those early weeks were a huge adjustment, and I wish I’d known just how much patience, recovery time, and support I would need.
The one thing I keep telling everyone is: “It’s only a phase.” No matter how little sleep you’re getting or how long the crying lasts (the witching hours are a b***!), it won’t last forever. Hang in there. You’ll sleep again, you’ll have time to yourself again, and you’ll slowly find your way back to the things you love.
How have you found the transition to motherhood? What has been the hardest part?
Motherhood completely changed my identity, and finding myself again took months.
Around six months postpartum, I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety. I was still breastfeeding around the clock, barely sleeping, back to work and everything felt hard. Even going for a run, which had always been my lifeline, felt impossible. With counselling and, most importantly, getting more sleep, things gradually fell back into place. As Sophia became more independent, I also had more time to do things for myself, which made a big difference.
Motherhood has been a huge learning curve, and I’ve realized how much pressure I was putting on myself to do everything perfectly. I had to learn to let go of some of those expectations and accept that not every day would go according to plan. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m learning to give myself more grace along the way.
Being a great mom doesn’t mean losing yourself in motherhood; it means learning how to make room for both your child and the person you still are.
What is one thing you wish you had known going into postpartum? Any other tips/advice for our moms?I wish I’d known just how hard those first few weeks would be, and how vulnerable and lonely I might feel. I’m so grateful I had a wonderful postpartum doula who encouraged me to get outside and meet other moms. That made such a difference and really changed everything for me.
Lean on your village, and if you don’t have one, go out and find yours. This community is amazing, so don’t be afraid to join a group or reach out to other moms. We’re all navigating these unfamiliar waters together, and you might be surprised by how much connection can help.
Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You’ve got this!
How do you feel like your identity has shifted? What strategies have helped re-connect with yourself?
I’ve always been a high achiever: independent, active, and someone who loved being free and checking a thousand things off my to-do list every day. Motherhood forced me to slow down and redefine what a “good day” looks like. In those first few weeks, if your baby is fed, you’re fed, and you’ve both managed to get somehow dressed, consider it a hugely productive day!
I don’t think I’m the same person I was before motherhood, and I don’t think I ever will be. I’m also becoming a new version who is more attentive to others, more open-minded, and intentional about my own needs and what makes me happy.
Taking care of yourself during those first few weeks can be really hard, but I made one thing non-negotiable: taking a shower every day. It helped me feel a little more like myself. Even if I could hear Sophia crying in her dad’s arms, I knew she was safe, and I needed that moment for myself. Find one small thing every day that makes you feel like you and give yourself permission to take that time.
What are you proud of so far in your motherhood journey?I’m proud that I chose the best partner I could have hoped for. David has always encouraged me to make time for myself, even when it was hard.
Suddenly not being able to do any activity was incredibly hard. I felt like a lion in a cage and didn’t know how to cope. When Sophia was three weeks old, David encouraged me to go swimming. I left with her crying and came back to find her still crying. As a breastfed baby, she really struggled being away from me (even for an hour). It was heartbreaking, but David never gave up or told me I couldn’t go because she was crying. We persevered, and honestly, giving me that freedom was one of the most beautiful gifts he could have given me.
It helped us build a really healthy dynamic as a family. The guilt of being away from your baby is real. Even when I’m out having the best time, a part of me is always thinking about her. But it’s so important to carve out time for yourself, too. You can’t pour from an empty cup. You matter, too.
You’re still your own person, with your own needs and passions, outside of being a mom. And your child deserves to see you taking care of yourself, too.
❤️
