Toilets, Halibut, & Catching The Baby: The Positive Home Births
Matrescence Tales
Matrescence Tales
Written by SL
When was your baby born?October '22 & February '25
Where was your baby born?Both at home
Can you share your birth story?We were team green and due Nov 10th (calculated by period)/ Nov 13th (8week scan).
Baby girl decided to join us early and boy am I glad she did as even though I was only 38+1 she was 8lbs, 1oz at birth.
We had planned a home birth with birthing pool, doula, and midwife team. Last minute we also hired a birth photographer as my mum and sister were due to fly in Nov 3rd and were worried they were going to miss the birth, turns out that it was the right move!
5am on Sunday October 30th (4hrs after we got home from a costumed brewery crawl) I went to the washroom and there was blood when I wiped and more that kinda trickled down my leg. This was pretty scary as it was the first time I'd bled during pregnancy. Turns out it was my bloody show. I lost some bloody mucus plug less than an hour later (I had lost clear/white mucus plug earlier in the week too). Contractions began infrequently and seemingly at random shortly after, we were unsure at this point whether I was in labour or not (spoiler - I was haha). My husband puked at 7am from being hungover, luckily that made him feel much better.
Contractions continued throughout the day but they were very manageable, I went to yoga from 7-8:30pm that night and was able to practice through the contractions without anyone even realizing I was in labour.
When I got home from yoga labour intensified. Birth ball and tens machine were a wonderful pairing I enjoyed a lot. We called our doula to join us at 1am and she began setting up the birthing pool. Active labour began at 3am and I did most of active labour either in the pool or on the toilet (highly recommend toilet labour!). We called in the birth photographer around 4:30am and midwives around 5am.
Active labour stalled a little around 7am, my waters were still intact and I think that was slowing things down - luckily they broke spontaneously while I was on the toilet. It was very dramatic and made a huge popping sound and sprayed all over my husband, everyone came running, I feel like they thought I'd birthed the baby in the toilet or something.
Once my waters had broken things started to move a lot quicker and more intense. There was a little meconium in the waters but my midwives were comfortable with us continuing labour at home since baby's heartbeat was excellent throughout the birth (we're also only a 15min drive from the hospital). Once the waters were broken I started to do a lot more labour pushing (you could hear the involuntary pushes in my vocalizations, super cool!). I had no cervical checks at any point but did check baby's progress down the birth canal myself about three times during this final stage. The last time I checked I felt baby's head in between my labia! My midwives had thought baby was stuck higher up the birth canal so they were really surprised when I told them this. I was feeling the ring of fire so I was less surprised. It took a little while for me to push baby's head out, one hand was trying to emerge with the head (I was able to keep it back with pressure using my hand against my vulva). Once baby's head was out I caught them and brought them up to my chest. Baby was born at 10:01am on Halloween!
We did a nice slow transition and waited around 30-40mins before clamping or cutting the cord, I delivered my placenta naturally around an hour after but did end up needing the shot anyway since I lost a decent amount of blood after I delivered the placenta. I also needed 3 stitches (1 labia, 2 perineum) and my blood was drawn since I'm RH- and husband is RH+.
Some thoughts:
- Man, labia stitches suck!
- I was really surprised that I actually had no pain in labour until the ring of fire. The contractions weren't painful, they were just an incredible amount of pressure. It took me a while to realize this, initially they did feel very painful, but once I did labour was much more enjoyable.
- A health care team that knows what they're doing and that you trust is so important. I'm so incredibly thankful for mine.
- I definitely felt like giving up when labour stalled, dig deep - you can do it!!
- my belly button was still an outie after birth, this surprised me. Belly was so squishy and funny.
#2 - I'm writing this now, more than a year after birth. So it's going to be less detailed. I never got around to writing my birth story this time! (Until now)
This birth began very differently from my first. I was initially due February 20th but they pushed my due date back a couple days in my first ultrasound (similar to first pregnancy).
At 37+2 I woke up early morning, around 5am, to a very wet bed. I'd heard about people peeing themselves late in pregnancy (a fear of mine) and thinking that their water broke... But it just being pee. So I assumed that I had just peed myself and went upstairs to get my husband (I was sleeping in the comfy bed solo late in pregnancy, while my husband was on cosleeping duty with the toddler). I brought him downstairs - upon seeing the quantity of water, and the trail that I was leaving everywhere I walked, he told me, quite clearly my water had broken. I was a little in denial, I guess I had been expecting this birth to be a similar path to my first, and this was very different as my water hadn't broken until pushing time with my daughter.
We cleaned everything up and my husband went back to bed to get some sleep in before everything ramped up. I wasn't having contractions yet and was very aware that broken waters starts the clock on medical teams wanting to push a lot of interventions so I didn't contact midwives at this point. I sent my doula a text letting her know my water had broken and tried to get some more rest. I was far too excited to sleep and contractions started about two hours later.
My daughter woke up for the day at pretty much the exact moment my contractions started, of course. By some sick twist of fate this was the first day that she had no daycare, we had pulled her out in preparation for my maternity leave as I would be caring for her full time, but had expected at least a week to transition her before baby arrives! Another unplanned element of this early labour was that my mother in law was staying with us at the house. We hadn't told anyone we were in labour when I gave birth to my daughter, it had been important to us that we wouldn't feel rushed or bothered by other people's opinions. I had almost told my mother in law she couldn't come because of how close to my due date I was, but decided we could always send her away if I went into labour and that it was unlikely to happen at 37w. Silly me. In the end I decided not to send her away, as she already knew we were in labour, at least if she stayed she could watch our daughter while we focused on the birth. Looking back, I'm glad she was there, she was very respectful and certainly useful in entertaining our daughter. My daughter ended up being awake for the entire labour, she didn't even nap.
Contractions were steady and easy for the morning, I remember saying something along the lines of "this is easy, I've totally got this" (my husband rolled his eyes, knowing the hard work was yet to come, I'd conveniently forgotten that part of my first labour).
They started to get less manageable around midday and this is when I called the doula to come, and let the midwives know that I was in labour.
My doula arrived and started setting up the birth pool straight away as I was already feeling pushy. Just like my first birth, I wanted to avoid cervical checks so we didn't know how dilated I was. Not long after the pool was blown up I started to push. My doula called the midwives and said to send both midwives (homebirths have two midwives, one for mom who arrives earlier, and one for baby who comes when it's time to push) they rushed over, thinking they might miss the birth.
But they didn't, I pushed for a couple hours fruitlessly. My midwife asked if she could perform a cervical check. I wasn't keen but also could see that something wasn't quite adding up - I'd been pushing for a while and you're supposed to push far less in your subsequent births. I consented to the check and the midwife started the check, it was very uncomfortable for me and so I withdrew consent before she was able to finish her check but she had enough of an idea that she knew I wasn't fully dilated. Months later I learned that apparently she estimated me to be about 6cms at the time, I'm very glad noone told me that as it would have really broken my spirits.
We decided to send the baby midwife home for now and switch up my positioning/take a rest. I switched from pushing to focusing on dilating. My body really wanted to push. Baby was OP (my first was too) and was putting heavy pressure on one side of my cervix but not the other, meaning I was dilating on one side but not the other and this was making me pushy. I focused my energy on opening thoughts and riding the waves without adding to the pushing. Lots of funny breathwork here too at the suggestion of my doula.
My Mother in law asked if she should cook some halibut that she had brought, my doula looked at her like she was crazy, fish was a strong smell to prepare around a labouring woman. She asked me what I thought and I was keen for it, halibut happens to be one of my favourite foods. So I laid in bed and ate, re-fueling my body.
An hour or two later my midwife checked in on me and asked if I had gone to the washroom recently, I hadn't so I made my way over. I started to squat down to the toilet and instantly knew it was go time (but could not speak that, of course). I put a hand down to feel what was going on down there. My husband was standing in front of me and took that as a sign something might be happening. He prepared to catch the baby. I pushed twice and out popped my son, caught by my husband. The midwife and doula couldn't believe it! The Baby midwife was still away, she had missed the birth after all. The euphoria and relief was sky high. There's no moment quite like the moments following birth and I was riding that high.
I again requested a no intervention delivery of my placenta and it took around an hour. I lost some blood again this time but felt fine to skip the shot. I had given my midwife strict instructions that I did not want stitches unless they were absolutely necessary (a month or so after my first birth my midwife let me know that my stitches had actually been aesthetic... Which I was very angry about because no one TOLD me that at the time and it was the worst part of my birth, I definitely would have skipped if I had known that. Who cares what my vulva looks like). I had some tearing but we decided to not do any stitches (it ended up healing in less than a week!).
Some thoughts:
- if I birth again I wouldn't do that cervical check, it was clear by the amount of time that I was pushing that I wasn't 10cms and we could have done the same plan of action without the cervical check. You live and you learn
- I'm so glad we skipped the stitches
- toilet labour is still my favourite, it's just the place where I make progress in labour! I ended up delivering my placenta on the toilet in both of my labours too.
- I'm so grateful to have had two positive births and for the team I had assisting me
- I wish I could have had a birth photographer for this birth too. The two I had talked to weren't available day of .
What do you wish you had known going into the birth? What are you proud of?I did a lot of preparation/research pre birth both times. I actually don't really have anything I specifically wish I'd known going in!
I'm proud of my strength, and the fact that I caught my daughter and my husband caught my son. So cool that we did that.
What did the first few days/weeks look like? Emotionally/mentally/physically. Any tips you could share?
Both early postpartums were overall very positive and straight forward. With my daughter there was concern about weight loss/gain and we ended up briefly supplementing with formula. Looking back I wouldn't do that again, no one explained to me that what was happening was totally normal. Instead I was stressed and worried and the formula supplementation was very hard for me mentally. With my son I was much more relaxed about that.
Having had a positive birth really helped me postpartum. I felt well mentally and really enjoyed that special time with my newborns.
Tips I would give are to surrender to this period, you exist to cuddle baby, hold baby, feed baby, and change baby. Embrace this beautiful time and try not to fight it!
How have you found the transition to motherhood? What has been the hardest part?The transition from 0-1 wasn't too bad for me, but 1-2 was difficult. Guiding my daughter through so much life change (no daycare, dropped her last nap, becoming a big sister) was difficult, especially since she was so little herself at just 2yrs 3m.
What is one thing you wish you had known going into postpartum? Any other tips/advice for our moms?
I think the best thing you can do in advance to prepare for postpartum is research so that you have realistic expectations. You will have interrupted sleep, this is biologically normal and expected. Going into postpartum eyes wide open is so important.
My biggest tip is babywear, babywear, babywear! Also reach out for support and try not to isolate yourself, get out into the community as soon as you can because parenthood is so much better in community.
How do you feel like your identity has shifted? What strategies have helped re-connect with yourself?My identity has completely shifted. I am a whole new person from who I was, evolved, I like to think. The shift to matrescence is hard but so full of growth, one day you'll be able to look back and appreciate how far you've come and how capable you are. My priorities are different, my ability to love and be loved has expanded, I'm functional on less sleep and down time.
I don't think I ever lost myself, so I don't feel a need to re-connect. Instead I have evolved into the next stage of me. It's truly a beautiful (and difficult!) process.
What are you proud of so far in your motherhood journey?I have achieved so much. So many new friends/contacts/business partners. Two wonderful children. A whole business! Promotions at my day job. New hobbies and skills too. I love who motherhood has made me.
❤️
