Rooted in You: How Tuning into Your Values Can Help Keep You Grounded in Motherhood
You know that feeling when you finally have a free 30 minutes, and you don’t know what to do with yourself? Instead of feeling peaceful, your brain starts spiraling with everything you should be doing? You should be grateful. You should be playing more. You should be soaking in every second of this fleeting time (while also answering emails, prepping dinner, doing laundry, and applying for daycares).
It’s exhausting. And it’s loud.
Between the highlight reels of Instagram moms baking organic muffins in spotless kitchens and the constant pressure to be doing more - more tummy time, more baby sign language, more “cherishing every moment” - it’s easy to lose yourself in the “shoulds” of motherhood. But here’s the thing: those “shoulds” aren’t a reflection of your truth. They’re noise. Static. Distraction. Other people’s choices. And unfortunately, when we’re sacrificing for our families and given up a lot of our previous life, this noise contributes to losing sight of who you are underneath it all.
“Mothers who frequently compare themselves to others on social media experience increased stress and decreased parenting satisfaction.”
But here’s the truth: you haven’t gone anywhere. You’re still in there. And when you’re in that messy middle, where you feel overwhelmed with decision-making, one of the most powerful ways to reconnect with yourself in motherhood is to get crystal clear on your values. What actually matters to you - not what you’ve been told should matter.
Because when you know what matters most, it becomes a lot easier to quiet the noise, say no without guilt, and create space for the version of you that’s still dreaming, growing, and yes - very much still here.
What Are Values, Anyway?
Values are the deep-down beliefs and principles that matter most to you. Not your mom. Not your best friend. Not a parenting podcast or an influencer with matching family outfits. YOURS. They’re your internal compass - the “why” behind your choices, and the gentle (or not-so-gentle) tug that tells you when something feels off.
In motherhood, when the external pressure mounts, your values act like noise-cancelling headphones. They help you hear yourself again.
“When you know your values, you can live your life on purpose instead of by default.”
Values Can Help You…
Drown Out the “Shoulds”
Scrolling past a Montessori playroom and feeling like your living room looks like a toy tornado hit it? Yeah, same. But if one of your core values is connection, not aesthetic perfection, then suddenly the floor covered in puzzle pieces and spilled goldfish crackers is less of a failure and more of a win—because it means your kid is playing, laughing, learning. You’re living your values. No filter needed.
Figure out what makes you “You”
We all need a “unicorn space” - a pursuit that’s just for us, something that lights us up beyond the roles of mom/partner/laundry overlord. When you’re clear on your values (say: creativity, freedom, or self-expression), you can more easily claim time for the things that give you life - whether that’s painting, writing, trail running, or finally starting that side hustle. It stops being “selfish” and starts being essential.
“What did you love to do before anyone told you what you should love? That’s your unicorn space.”
Navigate Your next steps
Neha Ruch’s idea of the “power pause” is about reframing maternity leave as a space for reflection and intentional growth - not just a career detour. It’s so common to re-evaluate what your career looks like when you have kids. By grounding yourself in your values during this time, you can begin to explore what kind of life you actually want to return to or build from scratch. Whether you’re planning a career pivot or just want your mornings to feel less like a fire drill, your values will guide the way.
A Simple Starting Point
According to a 2019 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Review, individuals who consistently act in alignment with their core values experience lower stress levels, better emotional regulation, and improved well-being.
Ask yourself:
When do I feel most like myself?
What drains me vs. what energizes me?
If I stripped away all the “shoulds,” what would I choose?
Then pull up this list of values, courtesy of Eve Rodsky, to accompany her book “Finding Your Unicorn Space.”
Write down your top 3–5 values. Stick them on your fridge. Refer to them often - especially when you’re making decisions about your time and energy.
We’re always going to feel like we’ve lost a bit of ourselves in motherhood. But what if that feeling, like we don’t know who we are anymore, just means that we’re on that journey to discovering our TRUE selves. In the midst of the chaos, sometimes we just need to take a minute to take stock (preferably with a hot coffee in hand), and think about what is it that truly matters to us. And then practice blocking out the noise. Because when you’re anchored in your values, you can ride the chaos with a little more clarity, a little more confidence - and a whole lot more of you.
