What’s The Deal With Mom Rage?
(You're not alone—and you're not a bad mom.)
Every time I come down the stairs, I’m confronted with guilt… thanks to the massive dent in the wall, from that one time I lost my shit (again!) and threw the kids’ toys in anger. Not my finest moment. And after bumping into my neighbour at a local coffee shop, telling her about The MotherFlock, and the conversation that ensued, I’m pretty confident I’m not the only one that’s been overcome by this ‘phenomenon’.
Let’s be real: if you’ve ever felt an overwhelming, fiery wave of anger rise up while you’re losing a nap battle, trying to get shoes on a toddler, or clean up yet another spilled snack, you’re not crazy - and you’re definitely not alone. That feeling? It’s called mom rage, and it’s something so many moms experience, yet almost no one talks about out loud. A 2022 study involving 278 Canadian mothers with infants aged 6 to 12 months found that 31% reported high levels of anger, as measured by the State Anger Scale. Unsurprisingly, the same study revealed that over half of the participants rated their sleep as poor. And in a 2022 survey by Motherly, it was found that 93% of mothers reported experiencing rage or irritability at some point. So what’s the deal?
What is mom rage, really?
Mom rage is that intense, often sudden anger that can feel like it takes over your whole body. It’s the snapping, shouting, or even silent seething that shows up when you’re stretched way too thin. It can feel out of character and deeply unsettling - especially when you love your kids fiercely. But here’s the thing: mom rage is not about being a bad mom. It’s often about being a deeply overwhelmed one.
Why does it happen?
We all know that motherhood asks a lot - and gives very little space to process all that emotional, mental, and physical labour. Societal messages, lack of support, and trying to live up to impossible standards kick start overwhelm and feeling undervalued. Add to that sleep deprivation, shifting hormones, overstimulation, isolation, and the pressure to be endlessly patient and selfless... and something’s gotta give. Essentially you’ve been pouring from an empty cup for too long. Rage is often your body’s way of saying: “I’ve had enough. I need care, too.”
Elana Sures, Clinical Director at Open Space Counselling says, “It's normal for moms to be impatient and frustrated, normal for moms to lose their cool from time to time. But a sustained pattern of simmering anger and outbursts signals that there are things throwing them out of balance. This could range from an imbalance in emotional/mental labour of raising kids, unmet needs, undiagnosed mental health issues such as ADHD or anxiety, or an internal dialogue that is harsh and shaming. Mums who have a kiddo with their own special needs, or is a super fussy, a bad sleeper, etc, will find that parenting is overall more taxing and can accelerate the drain of their emotional reserve, which means that they will need to factor that in – do less, ask for more help, keep things simple, GET HELP, etc.”
So what can you do when mom rage starts to show up more often?
Here are five gentle, compassionate steps to support yourself:
1. Pause and Breathe (Even Just Once)
When you feel that heat rising, try to pause - just for one deep breath. Put a hand on your heart or belly. This isn’t about pretending everything’s okay - it’s about giving your body a second to soften and remember: you’re safe. Even one slow breath can help lower the intensity. Belly breathing, in particular, can help reduce that flight/fight response. Alternatively, identify a strategy that you can implement when you start to feel it coming on. “Mommy’s starting to feel frustrated”, might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but verbalizing and naming the feelings bubbling underneath seems to help me.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
You’re allowed to be angry. Emotions aren’t bad - they’re information. Instead of shoving down the rage or shaming yourself for it, try saying: “This is hard. No wonder I feel this way. What is it I’m needing?” Be curious about where it’s coming from. Educating yourself on maternal rage, and the reasons for it may help you build more compassion for yourself. Minna Dubin’s Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood might be a good place to start, as is this podcast episode.
Sures advises, “Don't white knuckle it, or try to suppress your feelings in the hope that it'll go away. Explore the triggers that are driving your anger with curiosity and compassion so that you can come up with a strategy to work through your pain points.”
Compassion doesn’t excuse the yelling - but it gives you room to heal what’s underneath it.
3. Reduce Overstimulation Where You Can
Loud toys, crying babies, beeping microwaves - it’s a lot. Find small ways to reduce sensory overload. Turn down background noise, put on noise-canceling headphones for 5 minutes, or step into a quiet room. These noise-reducing earphones may help. Your nervous system deserves calm, too.
4. Speak Up About What You Need… And Pencil in Breaks!
Maternal rage often stems from feeling unseen and unsupported. Start practicing asking for what you need - whether it’s help with dinner, 10 minutes to yourself, or acknowledgment of how much you’re holding. You don’t have to carry everything silently. Pencil in regular moments to have a break… maybe it’s 10 minutes to step outside every day, and a half-day once a week to re-energize.
And if you’re not sure what you need? Look at your basic needs first: sleep, food, rest, connection. Open Space Counselling has a list of potential unmet needs on their website. Start with prioritizing one. Then build up prioritizing the most important needs regularly.
5. Debrief and process
Every parent loses their patience. The one strategy that’s important to implement here is repair (a la Dr. Becky). Journaling can help you process your emotions. And if you’re feeling like it’s starting to become pretty constant, it’s time to get external help. Many clinical counsellors specialize in this area. Postpartum Support International runs a free online group on postpartum rage, which can be a great first step.
Sures shares, “There is a lot that could be driving and sustaining mom rage, and it helps to explore this with a therapist or coach if this is available to you.” This is one of Open Space Counselling’s specialities, providing a local and online option through their Mom Rage Reset Program, which exists to give moms a space to unpack their anger without shame. It’s a therapist-led program that helps you understand where your rage comes from, how to soothe your nervous system, and how to feel like yourself again.
If you’ve been feeling like you're constantly on the edge, please hear this: you’re not broken. You’re a human doing the most important - and most undervalued - work there is. And you deserve care, connection, and space to feel it all without judgment.
You're not alone in this. And it doesn't have to stay this way.
